You. Yes you. Right there. Reading this. You are a leader.
How does that make you feel? When I was in school there was a great uptick in this idea.
Now if you were me in much of my life you’d go, “No I’m not. I have no one following me. I’m not in a position of power. I’m a small cog. I have no influence. I don’t want to be a leader!” And for a long time I was mad at the teaching that “everyone is a leader”.
There are people who naturally have this ability to get others on board with their ideas. They naturally get people to follow them without even trying. That is leadership! I agree that many people are leaders, but I am not one of them. I can plan things and talk to people and do lots of work, but often no one comes, or no one agrees, or no one likes it. And that’s okay! I am okay with the fact that I am not in leadership. But I do have the ability to lead.
I’d like to suggest we reframe our thinking and perhaps consider a change of verbiage.
You see for there to be a leader, that means that there have to be followers. In this idea of a “leader” it automatically elevates someone above others. So I wonder if you can “lead” without being a “leader”.
According to the OED (my favorite Dictionary!) A leader is “The person who leads or commands a group, organization, or country “. As opposed to the definition of lead, “Show (someone or something) the way to a destination by going in front of or beside them”.
What is the difference there and why is it important? Well a leader “commands” as opposed to when you lead you have the ability to go “beside them”. So the way you lead matters. Are you going ahead of those that are following you or are you coming along beside them?
I recently explained the difference between friendship and journeying together to some people in my life. You see friendship often comes with the idea of giving out advice. And advice is wonderful! But sometimes your friends don’t need advice. Sometimes they just need to be heard. Sometimes they just need someone to come alongside them.
This is journeying together. Sometimes people need to take all the time it takes them to process their emotions. Sometimes people aren’t happy. Look at Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh!
Eeyore is obviously suffering from some depression but his friends don’t insist that he become happy all the sudden. They don’t insist he change. They accept that he’s at a hard point in life. They don’t stop asking him to join them. They don’t ignore him. They come alongside and choose to enjoy Eeyore regardless.
Look at Samwise Gamgee at the end of Lord of the Rings. Frodo is tired and Sam knows he can’t carry the ring, but he somehow finds the strength to carry Frodo all the way up the mountain. He carries him to where he needs to be and even when Frodo struggles to do the right thing, Sam encourages him.
In fact look at the entire fellowship. They are committed to something greater than themselves. They are all willing to give things up, not so Frodo will change but so that they can support and encourage him.
This is what needs to change in the idea of leadership. It’s not always about changing those that work under you. It’s not always about just making them come around to your ideas. Sometimes it’s about coming alongside when someone makes a mistake and walking them gently through what needs to change. Sometimes it’s about understanding that this person is obviously having a hard day and they may need some grace today.
Let’s change the way we lead. Let’s not stand in front and demand, let’s come alongside and help.
For me that may mean that the kid who only wants to read Diary of a Wimpy Kid, I let him when he’s at the library. He may be forced to read all sorts of things he doesn’t enjoy at school and even though I know there are other books that are wonderful, he’s happy reading Wimpy Kid. That doesn’t mean I never suggest another book to him, but I don’t force it down his throat. I don’t MAKE him read something else. I come alongside and ask about reading at school. I start to hear his heart about why he doesn’t like those other books. I honor him by hearing what is going on. I make myself a safe person.
Let’s look at leading instead of leadership. Let’s not put ourselves up high and say, “well I’m in charge so I have the best ideas!” Let’s ask others for their ideas and, here’s the hard part, actually consider them and try some of the ideas! Just because we may be the person in charge, doesn’t mean we’re always right.
Keep Sparkling,
B
The Sparkling Librarian 