Month: November 2019

Brene’ Brown is my #vulnerabilitygoals

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Brene’ Brown is one of my favorite writers. I don’t agree 100% with everything she writes but EVERY TIME I read something she’s written, whether a book or a blog post, I’m inspired or challenged. She makes me want to be better.

Brene’ is never afraid to admit her failings. She openly talks of her mistakes and her desire to grow. She is vulnerable. She is fearless, or so she seems.

In one of her blog posts she talks about lovelessness. She quotes Bell Hooks book, “All About Love”.

“Taught to believe that the mind, not the heart, is the seat of learning, many of us believe that to speak of love with any emotional intensity means we will be perceived as weak and irrational. And it is especially hard to speak of love when what we have to say calls attention to the fact that lovelessness is more common than love, that many of us are not sure what we mean when we talk of love or how to express love.

Everyone wants to know more about love. We want to know what it means to love, what we can do in our everyday lives to love and be loved. We want to know how to seduce those among us who remain wedded to lovelessness and open the door to their hearts to let love enter. The strength of our desire does not change the power of our cultural uncertainty.

Everywhere we learn that love is important, and yet we are bombarded by its failure. In the realm of the political, among the religious, in our families, and in our romantic lives, we see little indication that love informs decisions, strengthens our understanding of community, or keeps us together. This bleak picture in no way alters the nature of our longing. We still hope that love will prevail. We still believe in love’s promise.”

So love. It’s important. But I’m not sure it’s as important as lovelessness. When I look at our current society I see a trend of lovelessness. With more mass shootings, racists comments, “us vs. them” mentality, and bullying on the rise, loveslessness is becoming an even greater epidemic.

So let’s do something about it. Let’s love. Love doesn’t mean I just agree with your every action but I believe love means that I treat you with respect and dignity even when I disagree with you. Love means I go out of my way to attempt to understand where you are coming from, because you matter. Love means work. Love means humility. Love means I put you first.

So let’s choose love. I challenge you to go out and find someone to love this week. Find someone who needs encouraged. Find someone who is different than you. Attempt to understand them. Attempt to meet in the middle.

Keep Sparkling,

B

Praise or Criticism, which is more important?

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I can be very critical of books. I pursued a degree in Secondary Education: English. (That’s not quite where I ended up as I’ve mentioned in these blogs before)

I spent HOURS learning how to critique books and examine if they would be useful in a classroom setting.I spent HOURS discussing whether or not a book had value or merit. I spent HOURS figuring out what symbolism there might be in a passage or a re-occuring theme. And I will be honest in admitting, it has made me quite critical of many books that I read. Even though in most classes we decided that almost every book has merit- I struggle to appreciate someone’s writing that doesn’t have much polish. I struggle to believe that “everyone is a writer” when I spent hours working on learning how to write more proficiently.

The idea that someone could waltz in off the street with no training and do what I do is not something I agree with. Nevertheless, there are THOUSANDS of self-published books and THOUSANDS of writers who are getting published with no training. And that’s great! Honestly, it is. But I still approach every book I read with a critical eye.

I ask myself, “what is this book trying to sell me? Is this making a political statement? (But aren’t most statements political these days?) Is this trying to persuade me to think differently? Does this book make me question some of my hard and fast standards? Does this book make me want to be a better person?” Usually at least one of these questions is addressed. I find myself loving less and less books. (That being said I do enjoy a good “beach read” every now and again) I might like a book but I have a harder time putting my “B Loves this book” stamp of approval on things, than I used to.

So when it comes to reading a book, what matters more? To praise the things they did well or criticize the things they need to improve on?

Book reviewers tend to fall on one side of this road or the other. I tend to look for things to criticize and if there aren’t very many, then I can recommend the book. If it is overflowing with things to criticize, then I don’t recommend it. But what are my criteria?

Here are a few of the things I consider when looking at a book.

  • Does the book correctly represent the culture it is portraying?
  • Do the characters have depth or are they very stereotypical?
  • Is there a compelling conflict/problem?
  • Is the writing of a professional caliber or does it feel like a first draft?
  • Is the writer’s voice concurrent throughout the whole book or are there sections where it feels like someone else wrote it?
  • Do I feel compelled to keep reading or am I drudging my way through needless details

But on the subject of praise, a recent SLJ article commented on how important praise is to a writer.

“I hope people will realize that just one reader’s- any reader’s- glorious praise of a book holds incredible value for that title and its author.” -Lalitha Nataraj

But you can look on Goodreads and see thousands of great reviews of books that don’t correctly represent a culture and are very stereotypical.

So what’s more important? Neither. We need both. But let’s be aware of what we are handing to our kids (as well as ourselves) to read and let’s be aware of what we are teaching our children through what they are reading. Let’s look to diversify their interests and diversify their world, not reinforce the walls they see.

Keep Sparkling,

B

What if you’re not “normal”?

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Awhile back someone said something to me along these lines, “Where are all the books for ‘normal’ kids? Why does everyone have to be from a broken home or have mental illness?” They commented that the books they read growing up were about kids going out and having fun.

To which I could retort, “That’s what these books are about! Just because these characters have complex backstories and greater problems than saving up to buy some candy doesn’t mean they aren’t just ‘kids being kids’.”

But looking back at the books I read as a child, the ones I wanted to read and re-read were the books with more complex problems. I loved Junie B. Jones. She was always getting into trouble and doing ridiculous things! But her books weren’t the ones I re-read. I loved re-reading books like “The Tale of Despereaux”. These characters had complex problems. I loved books like, “The Two Princesses of Bamarre” where they had to save the kingdom. Neither of these books include, according to that person’s definition, “normal” kids.

Let’s look at some statistics.

According to the Child Mind Institute about 23% of children in the U.S. have some sort of mental illness. It’s common knowledge that 50% of marriages end in divorce, meaning that 50% of the children in our schools are likely from a broken home. The National Survey of Children’s Health reports that nearly 35 million children have experienced childhood trauma.

I wonder if any book you read contains “normal” children. So I went hunting through what is considered “classic” children’s literature.

Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson. Jess obviously is suffering from the lack of attention from his parents. Leslie has an overactive imagination. They create a complex world all of their own. Leslie’s home life is definitely not “normal” with parents who are in and out of involvement, eccentric, and scattered. Some would argue that Jess’ parents are not “normal” because they are so over stressed and struggling financially. Survey says- not “normal” kids.

Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis. The Pevensie kids are in the midst of a war. They are sent to the country away from their parents. They travel to a magical world where they fight a witch and all of her scary minions. Survey says- not “normal” kids.

Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. Alice runs away from her family by falling down a rabbit hole. She encounters talking animals, has to run away from a queen who wants to cut her head off, and talks nonsense with the characters. Survey says- not a “normal” kid.

But isn’t that the point? No one wants to be normal! We wall want to be unique and an individual. I want to read about kids doing exciting things. I want to read about possibilities. None of us are “normal” and classic children’s literature is filled with characters who aren’t “normal”. Let’s celebrate the differences and all the fun that comes from being with people who are different than us! Let’s enjoy the fact that none of us are normal!

Keep Sparkling,

B